Recently, I’ve been diving deeper into this word that means so much to me. This word that is so powerful and impactful. One that has the ability to transform the relationship you hold with yourself and the people that mean the most to you.
But I feel that it’s become misconstrued and misinterpreted.
I feel that the more I hear people talk about empathy, the more I’m reminded that we really don’t know what that word actually means.
And without proper understanding we miss the chance to harness the power behind cultivating empathy, fostering a more empathetic approach through our everyday interactions, and letting this super powerful skill lead the way.
I’ve come across a few different definitions of what I believe empathy really means. And I felt called to share it with you all, as well elaborate on what those definitions mean to me. And how we can promote empathy and allow it to hold a bigger role in our lives.
Because it’s absolutely crucial for nurturing your meaningful relationships in life. And it’s absolutely crucial for preserving and improving the most important one as well:
The one you hold with yourself.
What is empathy?
The most universal, and in my opinion, most accurate definition of what empathy really means is:
The ability to understand and share the feelings of someone else.
As I mentioned earlier, this definition is often misused and misconstrued.
Empathy isn’t mind reading.
Empathy isn’t agreeing with people one hundred percent of the time.
Empathy isn’t sympathizing with others when they are feeling down or feeling pity for them.
And in my opinion, harnessing true empathy means fostering it in a way that’s unconditional.
I hear many people online talk about losing empathy for someone, and I don’t believe that can be necessarily true.
I think true empathy is a skill you cultivate internally. And that you can have and deploy empathy with others even when you don’t agree with their particular situation, thoughts, feelings, or beliefs. In fact, I think it’s these situations that require your empathy most.
Empathy doesn’t mean that you have to have the same feelings as somebody else in order to understand them. It doesn’t mean that you have to come from the same walk of life or even have similar experiences.
Empathy is unconditional. And we can only cultivate true empathy if we build up the courage to explore our vulnerabilities.
Empathy fuels your meaningful connections. And it’s never too expensive. And there’s never a shortage, as long as you’re intentional about curating it within and letting it lead the way.
Theresa Wiseman, a nursing scholar who studied different professions where empathy plays a critical role, came up with four qualities of empathy:
Perspective-Taking: The ability to take the perspective of another person. Even further, recognizing their perspective as their truth.
No Judgement: The ability to stay free and out of situations you may feel inclined to judge somebody else.
Recognizing Emotion: The ability to recognize the emotions coming up for the other person.
Communicating: The ability to then communicate your understanding of the person’s emotions or feelings. Validating them in a way they feel accepted, acknowledged, and understood.
Empathy isn’t feeling for people. It’s feeling WITH people.
Empathy is a choice. It’s a choice you make to let true, pure, valuable connection drive your meaningful relationship. It’s a choice you make to refrain from a verbal response that likely won’t make anything better through a very troubling situation. It’s a choice you make to stop trying to fix things or make them better. It’s a choice you make to simply be there with that other person. To dig deep inside you. To share vulnerability. To connect emotionally in the most supportive manner that actually drives the partnership forward.
My favorite definition of empathy:
Empathy is emotional communication.
It's the ability to connect purely with others. The indescribable way of feeling, sharing, understanding, and responding to the experiences of others through a different lens.
Some of my other favorite ones:
Empathy is the root of compassion.
Too many times, we confuse empathy with compassion. Understanding the distinction is important. Empathy usually precedes compassion. It's the first step. It's the ability to share the feelings of someone else. Compassion takes it a step further. It's the desire to help.
The easiest way to think about compassion is to view it as taking action on the empathy you have for someone else.
Empathy is being able to experience the feelings of someone else without actually having them.
Too many people believe they can't have empathy towards someone because they can't relate to their experience.
But, empathy is the exact opposite.
It's being able to step outside of your own perspective, imagine yourself in their shoes, simulate their situation, and cultivate an ability to understand and share what they're feeling.
It's removing yourself from the situation and attempting to take on their perspective without having had the same experience.
Empathy is the ability to read the feelings of someone else.
Reading people is a skill. It’s one that requires a lot of effort and intentionally. But it helps you foster empathy. And it allows you to build more meaningful connections with the people you love.
Empathy is actually hearing the feelings behind what is being said.
You read that right. Hearing. Hearing the feelings. Pulling back the curtains and truly and intently hearing the feelings rooted in what’s behind conveyed. Hearing what’s truly being said.
Journal Prompts:
What does empathy mean to you?
How will you let empathy take on a more pivotal role in your life?
Who do you know personally who is super empathetic?
Thank you for sharing this! I love the different definitions of empathy but more importantly when you say “Empathy isn’t feeling for people. It’s feeling WITH people.” That is so powerful as it points out that empathy is based on connection and vulnerability and showing up as your whole self WITH someone else.