Yesterday, something called me to read the last time I put something out. It was my most vulnerable piece and one I’m still very proud of.
As I was reading, I came across this section and felt that it was better served as a standalone piece. Because of the power of its content. So here it is:
On my relationship with God…
Growing up in a Catholic household, I always believed in God. I believed there was a higher power out there directing my life. I believed it was important to serve this higher power, to seek it, to keep it close. I had faith. And as far as I recalled, that faith rarely ever wavered. I honestly hadn’t thought about it further at any point, but seemingly every time I met someone new or had a new experience, I was commended on being a God-fearing man, or a person of faith, or a man of God.
I thank God for allowing me to operate, behave, and treat people in a way that’s representative of Him, even when I didn’t have the conscious recognition of doing that.
What I’m attempting to say is that while I always believed in God, I never quite felt like I had a personal relationship with him. Like I actually sought him. Like I would have conversations with him. I never really prayed. I couldn’t remember the last time I had been to church. And when people would ask me:
“Are you religious?”
My response was always something to the tune of:
“I wouldn’t necessarily consider myself religious, but I do believe in God.”
And that’s where my ‘faith’ seemingly ended.
It never went beyond that. I didn’t nurture it. I didn’t do the work to figure out exactly what I believed in, why I believed in it, and why it was important to me. I didn’t have any spiritual practices. I didn’t choose God. I didn’t have a personal relationship with God. I was kind of going through life with the subconscious expectation that there was something out there. And was never really concerned with discovering what that something was. Maybe because of the pressures of my upbringing. Maybe because of the pressures of the aspiration to cultivate better living conditions, to get an education, to embark on a good career path. Maybe it was because I put everything else first. And maybe that’s the sole reason for the way my journey has unfolded these last few years.
I never put God first, yet He always put me first. He continued to nudge me. He continued to guide me. He continued to keep my eyes open. He continued to present me with pages of possibility in life. He continued to bless me, to be graceful with me, to love me unconditionally. I don’t know everything, that’s impossible—none of us ever will, but I know this. For certain.
While this may be silly or unconventional or a not so special ‘coming to Jesus’ moment for others, it’s special to me. Because I vividly remember December 2023, where the spark was planted in me to want to know God further. Deeper. Stronger.
Ironically, the other day I came across a screenshot in my photo album. And it was of the exact moment I’m referring to. I was in the midst of my entrepreneurial efforts and making a conscious effort to network with many people online. There was a man from Alberta, Canada who reached out to me via DM because he resonated with a comment I had left on a writer’s post. After some back and forth, he asked me how my journey had gone and all I had learned thus far. Naturally, after I gave him my response, I asked:
“What’s your journey been like?”
And I don’t know what it was about this collection of words. It wasn’t the most profound thing I had ever heard. Maybe it was the timing. Maybe God needed me to receive those particular words, in that particular order, and in that particular moment, for it to impact me as much as it did. But when he said “my journey has mostly incorporated saying yes to the things God brings across my path,” it was like my whole world came to a standstill. In the best way possible.
I can’t explain why, but I think it’s because for my entire life I felt that way. But never consciously uncovered why or how or dug deeper towards what I believed. But in that moment, it was like God reaffirming me, and me internally going: “yes!!!! that’s exactly how I feel. that’s exactly how I want to feel.”
At all times.
As if God is directing each one of my steps, my choices, my decisions, my actions, my behavior. And I’m saying yes to what serves me. To what serves him most importantly. As if God is giving me the directions on this road of life and I’m driving the vehicle. As if God is opening the door meant for me and I’m making the conscious choice to walk through it. As if God is deliberately providing me with the experiences I need in order to learn and grow and evolve, but I’m doing my part in extracting the lessons and applying them. As if God is holding up his end of the bargain, his responsibility, and I’m graciously and excitedly holding up mine.
I’ve deepened my faith. I‘ve nurtured my relationship with God. I’ve gotten to know God—personally and intimately. I’ve seen God work in my life. I’ve felt God work in my life. In the darkest valley of my life, God has been my light, my cornerstone, my foundation, my saving grace, my portion, my guide, my will, my hope, my peace, my direction.
I now make a deliberate effort to spend time with God. Every single morning. I try to get the Word in as much as I can. I strive to learn more about God, about his creation, about his love for us.
I now pray every single day. My shower time is the most intimate and sacred experience now, because I take that time to pray—deeply. To talk to God. To have a conversation with God. To thank God. To thank him a thousand times over before I even think of asking for anything. Because through the blessings, and through moments of seemingly breaking down, God has been so great in my life. And all he’s taught me is that he’ll use these moments, these circumstances, these challenges to continue to mold me. To strengthen me. To build me. To guide me.
I recognize how hard that is to believe if you haven’t been through an experience like this or been stretched like this. But being on both ends, there’s no doubt in my mind that this is true. And I’m so, so grateful.
On a side note, I’m getting the urge to build again. To create. To express. To share. But I want to be as intentional as I can this time around. Trying something new for those willing to help me out with their opinion. Feel free to answer the poll below:
Thank you to all who read these time and time again. You keep me going. You keep my dreams alive. And that’s one of the highest forms of pure support to me.
Hoping you have a great rest of the week,
Kevin Castillo
This is so good!!!!! God bless!
Yes and Amen! 🙌